Pretty Fearless with Everything but Still Leaving the Night Light On

A few years ago, I attended Cyndi Lauper’s concert at the Tennessee Theatre. It was a fun evening filled with performances of all her popular songs that I grew up with as a teenager.

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At the end of the show, she sat down on the stage, grew quiet and went acoustic with a song I had never heard before….”Fearless.”

The song took my breath and I have played it over and over since the show. It’s a fixture on the iPhone shuffle. The lyrics spoke to my soul, especially this set…

“There’s something that I never told
When I find myself slipping off of my pedestal
I’m a fierce believer afraid to fall.
But if I was fearless …
Could I be your reckless friend
And if I was helpless …
Could you be the one comes rushing in.
Sometimes I’m afraid of the dark
I can’t find the light in my heart
I can see my hand pushing away
Hard as I can”

We all operate every day on a pedestal of some sort. The pedestal is invisible to the eye but it’s there, supporting us throughout our day and giving us the courage to move forward.

Have you ever been knocked off your pedestal? I have. And, I’m a fierce believer afraid to fall.

The nice thing about getting knocked off your pedestal is meeting those who cushion your fall. They’re the ones who come rushing in, giving you support, and turning on the flashlight that leads to a better tomorrow.

I’ve been afraid of the dark as long as I’ve been alive. I hate the dark and still sleep with a night light. I would rather wake up and see what’s around me than open my eyes to total darkness. I have to know what’s lurking in my room.

And sometimes I can’t find the light in my heart. People and circumstances make it grow dark, cold, unforgiving. As a result, I see my hands pushing away because I am afraid to trust, to love again.

Anyone who has suffered a cardiac event, understands that the heart has the powerful ability to heal itself. It’s a muscle unlike any other in our bodies, giving life and love, wrapped in resiliency.

I didn’t end 2015 on a great note. My heart had grown dark, wounded.

But, today, the first day of 2016, I woke up somehow refreshed, renewed, no longer pushing away as hard as I can.

I’m growing warm again, climbing back on the pedestal, and learning that to be fearless is to be pretty;  pretty exceptional; pretty alive.

I’ll still leave the night light on. HC insists. She likes to know that her Mom is always in the room, with a warm heart, filled with love.

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2 thoughts on “Pretty Fearless with Everything but Still Leaving the Night Light On

  1. Being our own best friend, supporting our own pedestals, remembering that sometimes shit happens for no damn good reason, all of this makes us a hero to the most important person in our lives…ourselves. Once we accomplish that, nothing can stand in our way, no one can keep us down, and no one can dim our light. Stay strong my friend.

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